Banned for abuse of support staff by vandalizing Torely Linden's SL Wiki page?

by Jumpman Lane

No one labors under the impression that the kindly game gods of Linden Lab who traipse around the grid in (as) who-knows-wtf-that-avi-is-supposed-to-be avatars are anything but human on the meat side. However, some mistake the sudden appearance of a Linden-last-name tag as just that: a god descending from the heavens to bless us for a few moments with an aspect of the sublime, with the grace of the empyrean. Imagine my surprise upon discovering that Torley Linden has the soul of a watermelon colored turd.

I am not a saint. I swagger through the metaverse yapping with hotties, talking smack to tards, snapping snaps, and writing funny little things in forums, on blogs, and in my little porno rag...er mag: Slut Magazine. My few run-ins with Lindens have been limited to chummy convos at official lab office hours and a few electronic epistles decrying the fact that unfortunately once again, it has come to the game god’s attention that I have allegedly violated the community standards or terms of service.

Most metaverse residents have not had the benefit of such contact, so some long term residents ask, "Who are Lindens?". Hoping to improve Second Life, we decided to start a column in Slut Magazine called "Lindens! Who are these Wackjobs Anyways?" The first one was on then Linden Labs CEO Philip Linden entitled "Ol' Dirt Face Phil: Mustache like Mud." We ran it. Nothing happened. Emboldened, we decided to turn our attention to the most famous Linden of them all: Torley.

I told as much to an old Class of 2003 pal of mine who knew Torley Linden as Torley Torgeson. (Torley had followed her around like a puppy in the past as I do now :p). Her response was, "Torley is a freak. Leave him alone." She then told me the tale of Torley's great transformation from guy to gal. Most everyone in Second Life knows that Torley is a man who plays Second Life as a woman. No one knows why. We don't either. Yet, we did discover HOW and the shit storm and the hurt feelings that followed.

Slut magazine excerpt

Slut magazine excerpt

We printed it. Then all manner of crazy things began to happen. The Great Watermelon struck back.

I suddenly found myself banned at The Man Statue on Phil's Hill in Natoma, supposedly the oldest rezzed object in world (where we took some pictures that appeared in the Torley article) and banned at the Library of Prims. Both of these places are land owned by groups listing Torley as the owner. These bans are for 7200 minutes and always restart after 7199.

Next, the main picture on my Second Life Wiki User page suddenly changed from a hot one of me to a picture of a tard standing on a watermelon slice with Torley snickering beside. The page history showed these changes were made by one Torley Linden. Now, I found these bans quirky and kind of cute responses and I shrugged them off as I don’t lurk in those places. However, being slightly vain, I took the vandalism of my user wiki page as insulting as a pimp smack in the face! I wanted to put my foot in Torley's crack, make him ask where his soldiers at (and I did)!

I added a couple of hot pics of me to his SL Wiki User page and a funny little story (read lie) about how we used to handg in watermelon patches discussing all the hookers I done banged and plotting and scheming on taking over the world. Which world? We didn't know- any world. Second Life would do: me on the outside, him on the inside; him dressed as a watermelon, me dressed in a Spiderman suit-the rest being history. The Great Watermelon was not amused. Less than 30 minutes later, I was forced logged out of Second Life with my account unavailable for 14 days.

Now the odd and strange thing about this disciplinary action was that it was not accompanied by the usual email from Linden Labs detailing the crime and the punishment. I mean my banning at the Man Statue restarted as soon as it ended. Would this seemingly unofficial banning from Second Life restart too? These were the crappy thoughts that ran through my mind as Torley's shabby little soul was just beginning to be revealed to me.

I logged back on as my faithful alt Jumpman Drutman and lightning quick IMed Zara Linden and she yapped back just as quick after a Tao of Linden-looking over a watermelon shoulder: "Yup, you're banned for abuse of support staff (Turdly) by vandalizing his SL Wiki page. Submit a support ticket and we'll email with words to that effect." I trotted off to support somewhat relieved that with other Lindens watching and prepared to hit the "you suck, Torley" Love Machine Button, I was safe from any watermelon juice stained sideways permaban from Second Life.

Boy, was I wrong.

At this point, I proceeded to correct my still vandalized SL Wiki User page. Torley had indefinity blocked me from the SL Wiki but left my page up and intact with the crappy watermelon slice picture still on it. I saw this as a perfect opportunity for my enemies to do as they saw fit with my page (as Torley had done) with me unable to correct it. So, I used one of my Jumpman alts and fixed it, including among its contents a complete history of my Watermelon War to date and a list of my enemies (Torley for being a watermelon). This was all undone as nonsense, leaving only a picture of me and my birth date. I undid this. I returned my page to its former look, and became IP blocked from Second Life. Every alt I ever made was asked to age verify (even ones that had been age verified at Second Life dot com). Lastly, on the SL Wiki I was indefinitly blocked as a user, IP blocked and my User page permanently removed. Why all this? For using alts to abuse MYSELF, and using alts to vandalize MY OWN SL Wiki page.

This, oh gentle Second Life Herald readers and my only friends, is what I put to you. Does a company which we ultimately PAY to provide us a service one way or another NOT have to provide some sort of oversight even of its more popular minor functionaries?

My next stop is M Linden, then Ol Dirt Face Phil his god damn self. I want my SL Wiki page back!